To the reader – This post is meant to be of a satirical nature. Absolutely no offence or disrespect is meant to anyone. We hope you get a good laugh out of it!
Let us tell you a short story. The protagonist of this tale is Suresh, an ambitious albeit slightly misguided young man. Suresh is driven by what his family and friends believe are right and wrong, like every other person on the face of this earth. So it came to pass that at the age of 26, Suresh’s father felt it was time he invested in his first home (after all that good-for-nothing Raman from next door had bought one at 23!).
Suresh’s family decided that the process should be overseen by Venkatesh, his older cousin who was considered quite successful (he had 3 apartments and 1 plot!). They – Suresh, Appa, Amma, Paati, Suma, Venkatesh Anna, Divya Anni and 2 year-old Vishnu – visited many a prospective home for sale. Every weekend, the process of house hunting resembled a badly and hurriedly planned class trip. The entire family squished into a tiny Maruti 800, decked in fancy attire and loaded with talcum powder to counteract the unforgiving heat.
Despite their long and contradicting list of criteria, they miraculously found a 3bhk apartment that was ‘good enough’. The troop returned home very satisfied with themselves. During the mandatory round of celebratory tea and snacks, Suma casually asked Suresh, “How much do you estimate the whole purchase will come to?”. “It is Rs 6000 per sq ft! Always dreaming instead of paying attention!”, retorted Amma. “Then there is registration cost, parking space costs, furnishing costs, maintenance deposit…..”, Appa’s voice trailed off as he glanced at Suresh’s terrified face. Amidst the silence that ensued, little Vishnu toddled over and pushed 2 coins into Suresh’s fist saying “Here two monies for you”.
Venkatesh then took it upon himself to educate the youngster on how to finance his home purchase.
“It is simple Suresh. Be confident, that’s all. Money will come and go. Take risks bravely.”
- I will tell you all about the home loan basics, come home next Saturday. Don’t read all this internet information, those fellows exaggerate endlessly.
- Don’t worry about planning ahead of time. God is truly great, He will come to the rescue when there is no money.
- Down payment we will get from Anand or Balaji, don’t worry. They will definitely give….I think. If not maybe you can take your Amma’s jewels for gold loan.
- Don’t break your head finding out all the interest rates of different banks. I will refer you to Raghu Chitapa who is in XYZ bank, he will help you.
- Take longest repayment period possible. It will give you ample time.
- It’s good that you chose an under construction property, you can see it evolve in front of your eyes. It is an absolute joy!
- Take the rest as it comes. On your salary of Rs 50,000 per month you can definitely afford this apartment.”
Suresh hesitantly agreed while his parents praised and thanked Venkatesh.
Three months later, Suresh was informed by crestfallen Appa that Venkatesh had lost all his property as he had been unable to repay the home loans he had taken. Raghu Chitapa had stopped responding to Suresh’s calls few weeks back. Finally, on a moonlit night, Suresh decided to back away from the purchase and reclaim his peace of mind.
Moral of the story: Keep all the Venkatesh Annas in your life far away from your first home purchase. Turn to RoofandFloor instead 😉